it's getting late

but i guess i should be a little more literate.

i'm starting to wonder if i'm ever going to be able to get closer to the love of my life. i don't think it's him that's the problem.
i think the problem is almost entirely my fault. maybe it's ALLL my fault!!!!!!! i'm so excited that i'll be moving out of my house but i'm worried about what i should decide to do in the mean time.

i just remembered this time when he and i were talking about snowboarding and rain and he said something like "if it even rains again" and i said "we still have all of april" and he said WHAT so i guess i shouldn't just tell him ok i'm leaving in a month.
i'll say, alice, my friend i was planning on moving in with is moving out of her old apartment in a few weeks, and my mom said she's basically kicking me out around that time too but i don't want to leave you.


and i keep thinking about the time we woke up in my bed and he started talking about how he'd asked his friends to take drinks to the scotch i bought him and he asked me why i bought it. i just wish i could have been more clear with my intentions and said that i gave it to him after grandpa died and i was so sad about it in a horrilbe way but i just said something stupid. i said, because i wanted to do something good. and then hate myself.