i'm attracted to his eyes

and the faces that he makes. i'm attracted to his insecurities and weaknesses. i'm attracted to his laugh and his voice. i'm attracted to his lies and his tardiness. i love him in every way because it all gets me so excited. pursing his lips and squinting at me. everything. the scars and long hair, his calves, beard. i adore him. i feel like i'm lucky to be in his life. if i could only hold him in my arms, wrapped up. if i could help to document his life, find myself teaching him about himself. give him a place in mine. know the truth about love.

coming out

so i'm noticing that i'm coming up to another hurdle and i'm hoping to understand how to mediate this. i don't want to drag anyone into anything i can't do on my own. it's my life. and it really is all the same songs on the radio. that can be crazy. maybe it would be better without it. i guess i'm a musical person. i'm not the only one. it's better for me to not listen because i could become too consumed by it. i guess. i'm just waiting. i'm waiting for these relationships and a different kind of intamacy. that was crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy. i guess it doesn't really happen that often. or never. great sex, it's stress off the brain. i have to take control of my life and mean it. i mmiss alena too much. my life. i'm looking forward things. tiny pennies hidden everywhere.

i see you watchin

i'm falling deeper and deeper in love with my man. i feel it getting stronger on my side of the equation. i want more love from him though. i want him to experience the same love i am. i'm crazy about him and i kiss and hug him as much as i can. there's no one else that has ever made me feel this way. i'm happy for us since we've been trying to get to know each other for so long. time is ticking away, it's like he's making my time go by faster. damn it.

i'm looking forward to all this relationship has to offer me. i'm scared of what lies ahead but i know he cares about me i can tell it's real. he's so young i just want him to grow old with me. i want to inspire him the way he needs it. i love him.

yes i guess you are

i found out that it's not because i'm unlikeable or unlovable. it's just because she doesn't like me that way anymore. that's why she wants me out and has continued to mention this to me. i'm not the only one after all. she has always seen me as a burden and i can only imagine how much her life changed in comparison to mine when i left for oakland. she moved out of tim's. i really wish i could understand and do better because my life would go so much smoother but it's all fake and old news. people aren't like that anymore. her parents. she wants to be just like them.