coming out

so i'm noticing that i'm coming up to another hurdle and i'm hoping to understand how to mediate this. i don't want to drag anyone into anything i can't do on my own. it's my life. and it really is all the same songs on the radio. that can be crazy. maybe it would be better without it. i guess i'm a musical person. i'm not the only one. it's better for me to not listen because i could become too consumed by it. i guess. i'm just waiting. i'm waiting for these relationships and a different kind of intamacy. that was crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy. i guess it doesn't really happen that often. or never. great sex, it's stress off the brain. i have to take control of my life and mean it. i mmiss alena too much. my life. i'm looking forward things. tiny pennies hidden everywhere.