love turns the wheels in my head

when you love somebody

I know down deep in my soul that tony is my true love. the one that was meant for me. why else would we be together and love each other so much? we are soul mates. i'm so lucky to be with him. we can talk about anything. 

i know we struggle sometimes but right now i feel so good about our love. 

today he had his first procedure done. i walked him home. he saw me right when he woke up. he was so happy to see me. but he still looked so scared. he didn't even know it was over yet. he was surprised. he was ready to go as soon as he woke up. i thought he was so sweet and precious. he was asleep when i walked in and i didn't wake him up at first. i thought he would just wake up but when i sat there for a minute it seemed like he could sleep there all night. but when the nurse woke him up he was amazing and beautiful and i was so proud to be his girlfriend. we are not going to give up until we find what is going on inside of him. i can't wait to find out so the pain can stop. whatever it is, i'm going to be on the battlefield fighting this thing. with my love. 

as we were walking to the hospital he told me he wanted me to know he loves me in case anything happens. i told him i love him too. he does love me and that it's it. 

we went to the new year's party and it was pretty fun. it was hard for us both to get in to it because of drama and shit talking mostly, but also because of tony's pain. 

tomorrow is saturday and we are going to church this weekend. i'm excited to go again. i don't ever want to miss another sunday. thank god tony wants to go with me. 

star-wars

He is so beautiful. Like a summer afternoon in the park with nothing to do. His smile shows everything good about the world. His hands hold my heart. I love him and that's why i want to be a better person. every day. do you think i can do it? do you think i can go the extra mile? I hope so because i know he deserves it all. he has given me the gifts i've longed for. so long. forever. that's it's become a part of me. so much that i've forgotten what i would actually do in this situation. now what? he's given me all i could ever want in a partner and all i have to do is love him back. why should that be hard to do? 

today he told me once we are angry our emotions aren't valid. once we are angry we aren't ourselves. he told me that he misses the beginning when i used to respect him. and i said me too because it's true. i miss that time when we used to both act more nervous about what to say to each other because our feelings couldn't handle making the other person upset. but he's so smart and cool, really, he doesn't push the limits with me. he's unreal in so many ways. i want to be the one he'll always need. 

year of the rabbit

we were both born the the year of the hare.