it's too bad

too bad tomorrow's friday. i just wish that he would have called me tonight. i just wish that this could have been the night that he would makeout with me. maybe tomorrow night? i hope so because i'm starting to fade away from his love.
since i've been thinking about what it would actually be like to live with him, i haven't been feeling it. i actually disagree with my mom about her idea to move in with her new boyfriend, i don't really feel moving in with mine. besides, mine has not even asked me about it. i could say that i have to leave this town or we have to be together. i could just go tell daller ayz that i've been in love with his bestest friend since the moment i saw his face. and then i would have to tell him that i not only feel in love with him, but i also became him and everything he's ever wanted to be and my life is forever changed since that moment.
now could i tell him i could never imagine my life as a single young woman without the pressing feeling of him following me everywhere like a shadow. could i ever tell him how much he has opened me up, cracked me open like a nut or an egg but left the pieces of me to rot inside that shell, leaving me open and somehow empty because his bestest buddy never cleaned up his mess?

maybe i could tell him just about the pillow i made for him out of my fleece blanket. he said he wanted another pillow, one that wasn't so big and i made it for him and i thought of something to accomidate his needs once again. could i tell you about all the other times i've done that since he seems to leave them open for me to mend lately and when he asks me something i keep up with the pattern and end up sounding like a roadie on his bandwagon.
i'd love for him to fall for me as hard as i did, but i don't think it's possible after how available i've made my love.

couldn't he have just called me so i woun't be so lonely for his bright eyes in the morning or the sound of his throat clearing or his hard toss to the left as he picks up both his hips and reachs back with is right hand.

by the way, what is a long term relationship?