I woke up this morning almost in tears, wondering how I was going to go about today. I had a horrible night. My dreams were vivid and weird. Aymeric and my dad were in my dreams all night. I really hope that I will be able to see my dad this weekend.
Fetish ball is on Friday night. Now that I’m feeling empty in a certain way I am looking forward to the ball. I can feel myself starting to reach out for things to occupy my mind and body. For example, I just picked up Tao Te Ching from the library. I started reading it but my mind kept racing as fast as my heart and I could still feel the tears pushing hard against the back of my eyeballs. And then my phone started to vibrate. So quickly I looked at the screen and saw M’rik! Of course I was delighted to hear from him. We talked for almost twenty minutes. He’s in Chicago right now waiting for his flight to France. I told him about last night when I breathlessly rummaged though the bag of books he brought to my room and how I pulled out the French flag. I told him how it smells like him. He said he wanted to write “thank you so much” on it but I think I like it clean like him. Clean like his smile and crisp like his eyes.
Last night Alena, Alison Lowrie and I took Aymeric to the Coliseum BART station in Alison’s car. We didn’t get there until 11:30 or so. He and I went into the station he bought his ticket. I said goodbye to him with two kisses.
Afterward, I cried like a baby in the backseat of her car. Alena reached back to comfort me and we went to In & Out.
I’m actually really excited for Aymeric. I’m so happy that he will get to see his family after living in U.S.A. for seven months. I think it’s because I feel like a little part of me left for France with him. I’m happy to have such a good friend across the sea to let me into his world. I love my French connection.
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