why why why

i'm wondering if somehow it will make things easier if i put this into words.
i feel like explicitly told brad that if he dicided that he wanted to watch porn instead of love me then that would be that. he chose the porn but i still choose him. and tonight we are supposed to watch a movie that i looked up online and found to have a lot of nudity in it. i'm worried about how he's going to be effected by it. will he adore and lust after the women??
it wouldn't be crazy for me to ask that since he has gone for the porn before. i drive myself crazy thinking about how it's possible he's not really in love with me. i drive myself crazy thinking of how he could ever want to be with another woman.
it seems like there has been so many times i have found him lying to be about the porn. saying that he'll never watch it again and then saying that since it was just myspace picture of playboy bunnies it doesn't count.
i just don't feel comfertable knowing that he has gotten turned on by other women in the past and now i'm about to put myself in a situation where i will see him looking at another naked body.
what i should really do is write him a letter about it.