hang ups

he called me around 10 so i don't know why i couldn't have waited. i guess it had just been a while since i'd last seen him. i was so drunk from that rum when he showed up around midnight. i wasn't wearing pants. he said he liked me shirt. i just remeber him asking me if i was going to remember any of this and i think i said i hope so. we had sex without lube twice.
i just wish i remembered more. i did tell him about my mom wanting me out. he said i could stay at his trailer and i said i would but i don't have a car. can you believe it?!?!? he said i could stay there?
so where is he tonight? could i have made a mistake by telling him about that? i told him that i didn't want to leave him and he said be a big girl, be a pirate. because i said i hate being a pirate from being too drunk off rum. but where is he tonight?
i spent all last night bubbling with nerves of excitment and jealousy over where he spends his time and who with. who with? i can only imagine what kind of guilt and lustless commitment that kind of talk could set into him.
what if he wanted to take it back after he said i could stay at his trailer?? yah, what if he really got scared of me, preggers, posted in that tiny trailer? or just sitting there at scotty's because that would be scary, larry.
it's not midnight yet and i'm still hoping that he'll call me to come spend the night there in his trailer. ironic because as this seconds tick by i'm starting to be sure that call won't come.


i guess i need to check back in with reality and maybe get over these hang ups. but if i could really ask for something right now i would just want for him to hold me and rub my back.

i just remembered that as soon as i woke up this morning, it could be him that work me up, he asked me, "will you spoon me?"